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What?! I don't have a mental illness!!!

Posted on January 08 2015

What?! I don't have a mental illness!!!
That was my reaction when I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder,
social anxiety disorder with suicidal ideation that resulted in a trip to the Behavioral Health facility for a week- this is where I collapsed from it all. The sudden shame, the embarrassment of how I was going to tell my mother and family. I am a senior citizen for goodness sake.
I didn't recognize or maybe more accurately, I didn't want to admit it to myself. All the broken relationships, the crazy mood swings, the loss of jobs, my head-in-the-clouds behavior. Now, what do I do? I cried for the pure shame of it all. I was angry-VERY angry. I look fine -I wailed. I was released from the facility of evil after a week, with tools I am supposed to use to keep from going through with my suicide. I have a therapist, and I have a long list of medication. Fine, I thought, how does a women my age, living on a small fixed income, pay for my medication? I eat a lot of pb&j sandwiches and go without any extras. And, there are days I will skip a dose of my medication so I can save money.I want people to know that because I look fine and I loathe asking for help, I really am struggling. Your donation will help me pay for my medication and the $10 donated the cause of Mental Health goes a long way to assist others. It really isn't mental health - I, and many seniors do not have mental health - we have an illness, and just like other illness, we need help! I still feel so much shame-even being on this board feels like it is the bravest thing I have have done. Thank you beyond measure for reading my story - it is also the story of many seniors.

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