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The Hour Glass

Posted on August 01 2014

The Hour Glass

Basically, I hit rock bottom about 6 years ago. My entire life flipped 360• all because of on tiny needle and bag. My ex's bf at the time had me try it while my bf was at work and all it took was the one time and I was hooked. I tried it because I was already dabbling in Oxys & Percocet and they became extremely expensive and "H" was wayyy cheaper like 7.50$ a peice. I was hooked on the rush, the sensation, of course the whole ritual of mixing and getting it. Waiting for that one person to meet just to feel "right" or "normal" for a change. That's what it turned into. It wasn't about getting high anymore. Now, it was about doing whatever to get it in my veins. Robbing and stealing from loved ones and stores. Doing false returns. Everything you could think of. I believe the only thing good that came out of this whole mess was that I have never known so many facts about Jewerly & antiques & tools too. I love Jewerly and antiques but as a "common interest" not a item to sell, pawn, trade, etc.. I know I hit rock bottom. My mother talked of preparing my funeral and then the rest of my family caught on and I had a nephew on the way as well which in a way motivated me more even though I don't see him a lot, but back to my point, talking to my mom and seeing her desperation and fear and all the love she has for me unconditionally along with my maternal grandparents as well helped me through so much even though I've stollen from them countless times and not to forget my stepfather of about 5 yrs now has been through it with me and his family as well. I jeopardized a marriage and my family. Everything on this planet and in my existence I've managed to ruin. My reputation is no more but dragged through the dirt and grime. My next biggest mistake is getting on Suboxone after my third time trying rehab. For over 4 years I've been on two a day 8mg-2mg. Then there is my "kpins" which was yet again another mistake because of anxiety and feeling that way everyday. They help me tremendously but my Suboxone I'm not so sure anymore. I need all the help and support I can get. I feel it beating me down everyday and more and more I continue to take it because without it, I will be in such pain. I can't really afford much at the moment since I'm less than a pt time caretaker at a local hospital for the sick and elderly, I really am hurting for money like everyone else is. Unfortunately, finding a steady roof over my head has been my biggest challenge yet. I'm not certain where I'll end up and I hope it's not back in jail, rehab, an institution, or a woman's shelter, I'm not trying to go backwards to that life style again. I need a steady place to call home and need so much help. Again, just like everyone else in society I'm not the only one and I'm not trying to play a mini violin to put it mildly. It was so cute when I came on here from one prayer actually I seen a color for testicular cancer (which is what my maternal pappy has) is light blue/teal and my fav color is teal & purple together. I am in love with the "Be Brave" engraving on the addiction ring. I always find strength somehow but this time I think I need some help with similar people. I'm so glad I found bravelets online. Great website and I hope to obtain that purple ring in silver or real gold but I really like the silver haha on a positive note I will leave this. Sorry for the book. I just am happy to be a part of something that I can relate too and others can too. Thanks!! All my love,
Xoxo

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