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Soul Mate Lost

Posted on August 02 2014

Paul and I met when I was in early recovery from alcohol and opiates. He had 3-years in AA after many years of drinking. He was able to help me with my anger and my Higher Power problems, therefore helping me to work the program and give back to others.
Paul came into AA an atheist and was an ordained minister after about 5-years sober. We helped many in AA, did ministry work, fed the homeless and were always available when people were in need.
We spent times apart, but always ended up back together. This last time wasn't any different!
When I arrived home after work on July 4, 2014, Paul told me he thought he'd had a heart attack. Knowing he didn't like anyone forcing him to do anything, I asked questions and told him I thought it would be smart to go to the ER to get checked out. I remember him looking at me stating we had plans to go to the local fireworks, but after a few minutes he decided going to the hospital was probably a good idea.
I made record time getting him to the best heart hospital around. Everyone in the ER went into quick action and I overheard a nurse telling the heart doctor he needed to hurry because they had "a failing heart"!
The next 1-1/2 hour was a time I'll never forget, but when I got to see Paul going to ICU, things were looking up! The doctor explained he had a good size blockage in the lower part of his heart; he had ballooned this area and put in a stint.
Paul was in ICU 4-days, leaving the hospital after 6-days. He was healing and trying to get strength back, even said he was beginning to feel "normal" on Sunday night, July 20th.
I didn't have to work Monday, we got up and everything seemed good. I asked him how he was feeling and he said "ok". He went to the bathroom and after a time I felt had been too long, I text asking if he was ok. I got no response. I immediately ran to the bathroom only to open the door and find Paul dead on the floor. He had literally fallen off the toilet and was dead.
The next few hours are still a blur, it was like an out of body experience. The questions the police asked made me feel horrible until the coroner explained he knew a blood clot had hit his heart. He explained Paul's color and no defense to catch himself falling told him this and also told me he could have been on the table with the best heart doctor in the world....it wouldn't have made a difference.
When I saw the "Bravelets" on Facebook, I ordered the "Be Brave" red leather one, which I will treasure forever.
I miss Paul more than words can explain; I love him more than my life and it's like a part of me is gone. My soul mate has left this world, but I know I will be able to hug him again one day. Until then I will work as an Alcohol/Drug Counselor in a rehab and continue trying to carry our work through helping others.

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