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Life is a Gift...No matter how hard
Posted on November 11 2013
Well, over the years, even though none of my siblings and I ever truly "got over" the death of our mom; but my brother's grief I believe really began to have an effect on his life in more than ways than one. To this day I don't know all of the exact details of his internal struggles, but with his grief and addictions to medication and alchohol, he continued to grow further and further away from who he really was...
On July 11, 2012, at the age of 38, my brother did the unthinkable, he committed suicide. :-( He left a note and everything, although I've never read it myself. Some of what I was told that was written in his letter was that he believed in God and that is where he believed he would be... I'll never forget that dreaded telephone call from our mom (bless her heart for being the one to call-along with my dad), I was 8 months pregnant with my 2nd baby girl at the time and I literally fell to my knees in shock and disbelief at the news. I remember going through all the different stages of grief: being shocked, angry, confused, sad, hurt, regretful, etc... Of course, being pregnant magnified my emotions so I really had to cling to God and my famiy even harder so as to keep myself together and be strong. I'm dealing better with my grief today, but I still find myself missing him more than ever, wishing that I would have reached out more, etc...
God has taught me so much from my experience though...He planned it perfectly for me to be pregnant at the time of my brother's passing. While I was numb, shocked, sad, and troubled; I could feel my sweet baby Selah stirring in my belly reminding me of how much a miracle that life is, how much of a gift it is! My heart will always ache for my brother, for not being able to help him take his pain away, to not be able to make things "better"..., but even though he's not here in this physical world with me now, he's teaching me everyday how much of a gift that life truly is.
Suicide awareness and prevention has a special place in my heart as you can imagine, and I try to share my personal experience with as many people as I can! I think just letting people know that you really care, that they are not alone, can truly make a difference and save a life...I'm thankful that through God's grace and strength, that He can take tragic situations to bring forth good and a higher calling to those who are willing to embrace it and continue pressing on with hope as a light to shine the way!
Thank you for this company that allows us to be reminded to be brave, no matter what the situation, that we are stronger than we think, and that we are not alone!! God bless you all and thank you for all your contributions towards all these amazing causes! You are making a difference! I pray that by me sharing my story that even if just one other person sees the light, the hope, and is just reminded that life is truly a miracle and a gift with a higher purpose than we can see with our human eyes, then I'm grateful!
God bless you all!