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Learned to be Fearless
Posted on April 02 2013
In April 2012, just a few months later, at age 23, my husband was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. He started very harsh chemo treatments – 5 chemo drugs for 5 solid days at a time every 3 weeks for 6 treatments and followed it up with 20 radiation treatments. My husband is my rock, he’s always been my strong support and the ‘brains of the operation’, I had to learn to be all those things for him; we learned to be fearless. There was nothing anyone could say to prepare us for each and every day, as they were all different. Every day he felt different, different things made him sick, different things tasted good or bad or had no flavor at all. Some days he was determined, some days he broke down and cried. He’s my hero, after all his treatments, the softball sized tumor in his chest is completely dissipated and we will continue on watch to be sure that it doesn’t try to come back.
Right before my husband started radiation, in September 2012, we lost part of the core of our family – my father-in-law – to Prostate cancer that he’d been fighting for about 7 years. When we all thought we were falling apart at the seams, our fearlessness and need to be brave was more prevalent than ever. We’ve all sat together and cried, yelled, been silent, tried to laugh through it, been angry at God, angry with each other, thankful for each other and so many more emotions that come known with so many tribulations; through this, we learned to be brave together. It’s hard to pick up the pieces of all of this and make sense of it all, why in the world would all these things happen to us? We are a strong, united family – we don’t deserve this. But you know what? No one ‘deserves’ these things, it’s just the hand we were dealt and we’ve made it through by being brave and being fearless and staying open minded. That’s all you can do.