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I wanted to please my Parents and couldn't

Posted on June 04 2017

I wanted to please my Parents and couldn't
My Mom was severely mentally ill by the time I was born. She was an older Mother, that had suffered through the depression, and possibly sexual assault. She wanted a boy , because my Grandmother lost a boy due to birth defects shortly after he was born. I was a girl. With intense anxiety and depression , especially when Mom had to be away for treatments and kept in the State Hospital for weeks at a time, while I struggled with severe bullying and social issues. I did not understand why my Mom couldn't be with me and I was angry too. We couldn't upset Mom , when she could be home, so I couldn't get help with the bullying or socialization skills I really needed to make a social network, find suitable employment and find the kind of relationship with a significant other , that others found later on.