I never thought it would end this way...
Posted on February 07 2015
My story is so fresh, I try to look through the tears as I write. I found my son after work that day, age 21 hanged, death by suicide. I proceeded CPR and resuscitation immediately, screaming and crying for almost an hour and a half. It seemed forever before anyone came after calling 911. I found out later he had already been gone for a while, so my attempts to saving him were of no use. I couldn't believe he was gone, and still today I can't believe it. There was no warning at all, and it was very unexpected that it shocked not only me but the community as well. I wonder, "How could this have happened?" It doesn't make any sense. Since then, I have suffered from PTSD, offered emotional support to his girlfriend and close friends, not been able to work, and travel an hour away to a support group. I'm trying to educate myself on suicide, offer support to the community, and grieve healthily as it's hard to go back to work. My job may not be saved for me, and I have no benefits or time off. My world has been shattered and I am holding on by a thread. I do not want anyone else to go through as a person hiding anxiety or depression or a dear parent to witness their dear child suffer quietly and how a parent feels hopeless in not being able to save that child.