All We Need Is Love
Posted on May 05 2017
I am 37 years old and I have Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, Depression and Anti-Social Disorder. I was first diagnosed in 2001 when I had a seizure and they couldn't figure out why. Turns out my Bipolar was growing up which made me grown down. I act like a teenage girl, I FEEL EVERYTHING, my emotions, your emotions, the people on the news' emotions, even the animals emotions. I always have something else I am trying to say or think or do. Nothing is ever enough even when it's perfect. I get excited and start thinking and talking too much which leads to doing too much. I just feel so much and I want to get everyone to feel it too. I cry at the smallest criticism and if it is an insult, well you better expect depression because now I will replay EVERY LITTLE WORD YOU HAVE EVER SAID TO ME EVER, GOOD AND BAD. And I won't stop overthinking that it's all my fault you insulted me. I deserved that. I'm crazy and no good and worthless and nobody wants to be around me like this. And then I sleep for a month. But when I am happy and everyone is getting along with me too and we all are laughing a lot, I am on top of the world. I get chores done, cook, tell jokes without saying the "I'm Sorry's" every 5 seconds and go outside and get sunshine. I even exercise! When I believe in the love that I am feeling , even if it is forced or fake, I can do it all! But every month someone bursts my bubble and says "Noel you are not any better than where you were before. If anything you have been acting worse again. And then I crash back down again. So far no amount of medication, therapy or coping skills has helped me yet and I honestly do not think it ever will. The only thing that helps me feel better is love. So I will take their forced loved on me as if it was my fairytale love story because honestly all we really need is love.