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A Long Journey

Posted on January 30 2015

A Long Journey
Suicide Free!
I had anxiety disorders as a young child, but they went undiagnosed. I was bullied at school for years to the point of wanting to take my own life - or those who bullied me. But I wasn't too far gone...I just wanted to runaway. Then I found God. I decided that I would dedicate my life to Him since He saved me and was the only one interested in my welfare, so I joined a convent as soon as I finished high school at 17. Unfortunately, things were so bad at the convent with internal power struggles that I fell on my instinctual resources just to survive when I should have left. I did...after 5.5 years of trying to make it work, but I had developed PTSD and was no longer in control of my behavior. I went home to live with my parents and went to college, trying to hide from the pain of losing my dream. And then I developed Panic Disorder while working as a church janitor. I had no idea what was going on with me until I was diagnosed by my doctor. And I was in such a fragile state from the PTSD that I often had suicidal ideation. It's taken 9.5 years of counseling, therapy, family support, medicine, and God's grace - now I am free of wanting to take my life. I want to live! And I want others to see what a gift life is. I have forgiven those who hurt me, but I have to admit that it sometimes still hurts. But that's no reason to give in to the darkness. That's why I have bought bravelets supporting PTSD Survival, Suicide Awareness, and Sandy Hook Elementary. The first two mark personal milestones; looking back in a way, the third one does too.

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